People I meet think working for an advertising agency as a writer is so cool. They remember Melrose Place and movies like What Women Want and think doing what I do is neat and sexy and filled with fast-paced excitement. They think around every corner is a lust-filled assistant, a drug wielding creative and a conniving boss. And they would be right in fantasy land. But in reality, what I do is more like being a kid who twirls in circles for 10 minutes only to render himself dizzy and nauseous.
But this begs the question: What do I do all day? With that said, I’ve scientifically documented my movements, activities and whereabouts for an average day and come up with some pretty startling numbers. Here they are, published for the first time on my site.
As you can clearly see, I don’t spend nearly enough time drinking coffee (10%) and entirely too much time revising (75%). And I won’t even get into the time spent actually writing (10%). Vocalized complaining will have to be reduced (5%), but this should free up more time to quietly grumble and act disgruntled while I am revising things I have already written multiple times.
Regarding complaining, another ploy of mine, one that has proven to be exceptionally effective in cleansing my work place frustration palate, is to engage in frequent acts of masked sarcasm and mockery. This is especially effective in navigating the common advertising pitfall: the catch phrase. Are you picking up what I’m putting down? Great. Because we all need to be on the same page here.
CONCLUSION: I am a writer, but barely. Sometimes I consider myself more of a typist, especially when you consider the fact that most of my actual time is devoted to, you guessed it, typing. But then again, there are worse ways to make a living. Maybe I should be content in knowing this. Forget what my research says. After all, I can go to Starbucks whenever I want. Let’s see Accountants and Teachers do that.
The real problem for me is jealousy. Because at the end of a long day of revisions, miscommunications and lattes, I always think of Melrose Place and What Women Want and yearn for what could be.