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I'm a writer and creative director. I make things, collect books, write fiction and don't understand Zen. I'm Vegan.

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Exclaim This: My Personal Crusade Against the Exclamation Point

Why? Why? Why? If you can’t convey excitement with words, give up. Don’t just throw an exclamation point at the end. You know what that is? It’s lazy. The words “One Week Only” are either exciting to someone, or they’re not. You could add a “Hurry” before the phrase. It might help a little. Some think ALL CAPS does the job.

That’s better to me than to use the low blow of language, the exclamation point.

It’s like the middle finger of punctuation saying “Fucking pay attention to me.” Which brings me to another option: cussing. I’d rather see f-bombs than exclamation points. Saying something is “fucking great” beats exclaiming it with what looks like an inverted letter i.

So I make this pledge: from here on out, no more exclamation points! Ok, no more after that last one. And if I’ve used them in past posts, my deepest apologies. Today is a new day, one free of renegade punctuation.

Let the excessive use of adjectives begin.

Dear Friends, Thanks For Ruining Napoleon Dynamite For Me.

No use in seeing the cult phenomena that is Napoleon Dynamite now. My cohorts at the office have relived, quoted, enacted, mimed and listened to sound bytes of just about every second of the film. Great. Just great. It’s not like I wanted to see the movie. I’ve read that it’s a bit of a Wes Anderson rip-off and that may be true. But I’ll never know now, because I can’t see it now purely out of principle.

Who do my friends and colleagues at work think they are?

I appreciate their enthusiasm for Ligers and Sledgehammer bikes. Yippee! I can even deal with the endless quotes where my office mates insert their name where Napolean should be, “Hey Andy, what are you gonna do today?” Andy replies, angrily, “What ever I feel like, God!” Ahhhh, a movie quote. I get it. And do you know why I get it? Because I’ve heard probably every line of dialogue from the damn movie. Great guys.

Thanks again. No, I will not see Napoleon Dynamite now matter how much I want to. I may reconsider once the DVD comes out, but until then, I will isolate myself from the never ending Napoleon Dynamite buzz that has come to overwhelm my workplace and my social network. I guess I’ll just sit home and watch Rushmore until things die down a little.